I realise that it's been a while since I posted anything, I didn't even publish a draft from a few weeks ago until just then, so I feel I should write again.
Although its only 2pm it feels like it's quite a bit later. I've finally discovered a way of telling people how, even with a reasonably good memory, I can't quite remember simple things like what I ate for breakfast... If I ate breakfast at all. A lot of nothing tends to blur together into one expansive abyss. I have no idea why but the word "expansive" was pronounced as "ex-pants-ive" in my head. Pants. Anyway, that's basically what it's like, so if I ever answer "so, what have you been up to lately?" With "I... Don't know..." , don't blame me.
My mother has been quite antsy lately, being very pushy and imposing. And a tad both hypocritical and self righteous. I don't know what it is, or why she's decided to give me shit or be so terribly... What's the word? Tyrannical? Yeah, that's about right, tyrannical and oppressive. She gave my brother shit about not having a job and then, with the very next breath told him that she didn't think he'd be capable of the career he's decided he wants to pursue and do a course on. Firstly, I told her that that shit's easy, even I can do that; secondly, she almost constantly complains about his lack of self confidence, and I quote "what's wrong with him? I don't understand why he doesn't just find something he wants to do... And do it?!" ; and thirdly this is NOT the first time this has happened. Time and time again, she goes through the same cycles. By god, Watson, I think I've got it! These cycles happen to line up with increases in her alcohol consumption, to which she is prone to addiction. I feel that, next time she's feeling a little more lucid, I step in and remind her that, as a reformed alcoholic, drinking's going to play with her systems. Gosh, how had I not seen this before? Of course years of drug and alcohol abuse are going to leave a mark, or a watermark for all extensive purposes. I have to do something about it and I wish my brother would help me, but chances are it'll be the same old story in which he runs and hides and buries his head in the sand, but I don't blame him. I would too, if I could. I will not let this happen again, I was too young to stop it last time, but now I have the power to do something. It's not good for her or for any of us and I will not stand for it; this shit will not go down while I'm here.
Ok, now I've gotten that off of my chest (and boy, aren't I swear-y today) I feel a bit better... And calmer.
So that's been my vent and blog of the day.
Little Blue
P.s. oh hey, I didn't use 'fuck' once! :)
