OOHHFASo, I forgot to save the post I was make earlier as a draft. So I'm just going to have a small breakdown now.
And I'm back.
I woke up with a killer headache this morning, it felt bad, man. Etc. etc.
(I'm paraphrasing because I can't really remember what I wrote, nor do I really care.) Now to the part I can reconstruct.
It's depressing how narrow sighted we can become when things aren't going right. For instance this morning, when I woke up with a terrible headache I almost completely forgot about my impending wanderlust.
Recently it has dawned on me that what I want to do with my life, more than anything, is travel and witness all of the beauty the world can possibly bestow upon me in the time I have on this earth. This was most deeply etched into my brain yesterday. I went for a walk. Oh fun, eh? As I was returning home I saw a large cloud. Well, it looked large from a distance. But as the wind blew and I walked and the distance between us closed I saw it for its true form. A low hanging colossus. It was awesome, in the more literal sense of the world. It made me feel so... Small. It got me with an almost orchestral movement. As in when the cadence seizes you and rises, loud and powerful, to a crescendo and hits you with wonder.
This sort of thing has also inspired me towards a belief system. And I don't mean any of them believing-in-a-deity religions, I mean Buddhism. As in vanquishing the three levels of suffering, abolishing ignorance, understanding dependent origination, and eliminating desire. You see, I can remain an Atheist and still follow the teachings of the Buddah. All this "peace and love" that it's famous for, as well as meditation and trying to be a better person.
What the fuck ever happened to trying to be a better person? I am over this "don't judge me" and "you should love me for who I am" and "I don't need to lose weight, what is diabetes?" And "you should love me for who I am" and "you should change to suit me, but I shouldn't have to anything for you" bullshit.
My battery I stunning low, so I'm going to wrap up with a lyric:
"And I've had recurring nightmares
That I was loved for who I am,
And missed the opportunities
To be a better man".
- Hoodoo, Muse
Detrimentally,
Little Blue
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